Things Team Nerds are not allowed to do in the Capitol
by KTstoriesandstuff
Summary: Instead of being sent to the Arena for the Quarter Quell, Wiress and Beetee are sent to the Capitol to wreck havoc on the technology used in the city. It's all fun and games until President Snow looses his brain then... Hey! Free evil brain! Story dedicated to NutsandVolts aka Wendy!
1. Prologue

The basement of the Training Center was dimly lit except for incandescent light bulbs hung from the ceiling at various points. "It's so weird being -" A quiet scared voice whispered.

"In the basement?" A stronger deeper voice asked. Beetee felt Wiress's arms tighten around his elbow. "It's ok, hon. I messed with the security cameras so we can talk freely here." Beetee opened a door in the hallway that led to a conference room. Plutarch Heavensbee was seated at the end of a long conference table. Johanna, Finnick, and Mags were present.

"Woo hoo! We can begin!" Finnick cheered before jumping on the table and stripping out of his clothes. "What?" He asked as he thrust his hips around in a circle while completely naked. "Do you find this _distracting?_"

"As a matter of fact, YES, we do, Mr. Odair!" Plutarch pointed out hoping he wasn't blushing too much as Finnick danced provocatively while waving his 'assets' in front of Plutarch's face. Mags mumbled something and smiled at Finnick.

"Oh, Nana said that we planned it so the nerds can fix the cameras." At Finnick's explanation, Wiress smiled and held her husband's hand that was resting on the table.

"My Beetee already fixed -" Wiress began full of admiration as she beamed at her blushing husband.

"The cameras." Beetee finished. "The only naked people the security guards viewing the video feed from this room are see is Mr. Heavensbee and Mr. Crane dancing to an old song called 'I'm bad' by a Michael Jackson."

"Wha -" Plutarch's mouth dropped open as he blushed scarlet.

"It was a mix of surveillance feed and advanced video and photo editing -" Wiress began.

"Suffice it to say, it suits our purposes." Beetee finished once again. Once Plutarch was able to find his voice, he began the meeting.

"We are obviously gathered here to determine how we can save our Mockingjay and Peeta Mellark in the Quarter Quell." Plutarch began. "Most of you will go back into the arena, correct?" Everyone nodded somberly. "District Three, we have a slight change of plans." Wiress and Beetee looked at each other surprised. "We were thinking about sending you two into the arena, but there were two problems: One is that no one else can invent stuff like you two can, and the other problem is a crazy girl named Wendy will time-travel to Panem and beat me up if I let either of you die in the arena."

"Wendy?" Beetee asked looking off above his glasses.

_"That's right Beetee Jarvis Askeral Tesla! You're MINE, BEETEEKINS!" _A teenager's voice called throughout the room.

"That's weird, but if it keeps you out of the arena -" Wiress began as she smiled at her husband seconds before throwing herself into his lap and kissing him soundly. "Beetee - mine! My love -" She gasped.

"Mmm - Wiress - honey -" Beetee moaned as Wiress trailed kisses down his neck. "Mmm - Ooooh!"

"Ahem -" Plutarch cleared his throat signaling his presence.

"Sorry - I -" Wiress began.

"You got carried away, dear." Beeetee muttered as he blushed a dark maroon. "So, who will represent District Three?"

"Violette." Plutarch said as Wiress smirked evilly. "And the other old guy -"

"Gear and _what do you mean, the other old guy?_" Beetee sputtered. "I'm only forty-five! Gear is like 60!"

"Beetee is not old. He's sexy." Wiress added slobbering kisses on his cheek. "And has the stamina of a 25 year old when -" Beetee blushed as his wife gazed at him with her large eyes full of desire.

"Ew - whoa - hey - now that you say that, Nuts, I can see why you dig him." Johanna pointed out. "If you died in the arena, I would marry him. Eventually." Johanna's laughter was cut short by a surge of electricity to her neck. Wiress pulled the electrodes off of Johanna before she fell to the floor in a dead faint.

"Anyone else want to take my Beetee?" She asked in a quiet but deadly voice as she wrapped the wire around her hands and gazed at everyone around the table. No one wanted to challenge the thirty-five year old genius engineer.

"Beetee and Wiress Tesla, you will be responsible for using your engineering talents to weaken the Capitol."

"So, what are our rules?" Beetee asked. Plutarch thought about it for a moment.

"I dunno. We'll just make them up as we go along, I guess." Plutarch replied. However, he immediately regretted it as he saw Panem's favorite nerds exchange mischievous grins. "Uh oh. What did I just do?" He muttered.


	2. NOT your Workroom

"We'll stay alive! Together!" Wiress gasped excitedly in the Gamemaker control room the next day.

"Yes, I'm excited too, hon." Beetee said from under a table as he was examining the large computer modems at each control station. "Hm. These all connect to the main server and then somehow to the arena." Wiress hummed to herself as she was deep in thought. She giggled as Beetee wiggled around under the table. Sighing, she rested her hand on the taut fabric of his pants. "Wiress, hon," Beetee began knowing her touch made him lose his train of thought.

"Your schematics." She whispered as she withdrew a folded piece of paper from his back pocket.

"I didn't draw a schematic, hon." Beetee muttered.

"No, but I -" Wiress handed him the paper as he stood up to face her.

"Why didn't you tell me you figured it out?" Beetee groaned as he popped his back in several places. "I was looking under tables for hours!"

"Because I just did -" Rolling her eyes, Wiress gestured to a pen and paper on one of the nearby tables.

"Baby, you're a genius!" Beetee gasped as the logic schematic clicked in his brain.

"Only took you twenty-three years to figure that out -" Wiress teased as she pulled on the collar of Beetee's shirt. Beetee gasped as he was kissed roughly and passionately.

"Wiress!" He gasped.

"I want - my Victor -" Beetee blushed as Wiress whispered huskily in his ear. "Now." After Wiress latched legs around his waist, he carried her to the front of the room. He stared into her eyes as she wove her fingers through his thick black hair as he pressed her back against the main TV screen fixed to the wall.

_"Ahem! Beetee and Wiress Tesla!_" Plutarch's voice boomed around the room. The happy couple groped for their clothing on the floor. "Rule number one: You are not allowed to 'christen' each room where you chose to work! This is NOT your workroom in District Three!"


	3. Lady Gaga and a Battery Pack

Team Nerds stood in the studio of the Panem News Network. "So tell me, are you happy that the music chip has hit stores here in the Capitol?" Claudius Templesmith asked. They had agreed to do the interview so they could survey how newscasts were produced. Part of the rebellion would be to break into the broadcast network, disrupt newscasts, and possibly take over Panem News Network.

"Yes." Beetee said smiling. "I'm so happy that i could provide the Capitolites with a way to easily access their music. And - ah - honey, what are you doing?" Beetee asked as Wiress waltzed onstage looking as if she raided Effie Trinket's wardrobe and put clothing on at random. She wore green and purple striped tights, a knee length flowing black skirt with fluorescent colored flowers. To top off the outfit, she wore a top that had multicolored feathers pinned at random on all sides. She grinned at her husband knowing she was doing quite well with her role of: Distract the interviewer so you two can examine the news room.

"Gaga!" Wiress squealed twirling around onstage. "Gaga, Beetee!" She insisted as she grasped his hands to pull him to a standing position.

"Yes, my Wiress is a fan if Lady Gaga." Beetee explained. "Honey - I was just about to explain the microchip properties -"

"ROMANCE!" Wiress cried before bringing Beetee into a very deep passionate French kiss. Beetee picked his wife up as she giggled wildly. "Bad romance." she whispered seductively as she unbuttoned his shirt collar. Beetee acted startled as the camera crew cued Lady Gaga's song "Bad Romance." before Wiress began singing along. Wiress had arranged the soundtrack ahead of time. As they danced and sang, Wiress unbuttoned the rest of Beetee's shirt and cast it aside followed by his undershirt. Without missing a beat, Wiress sang every word while dancing around Beetee who was doing the robot and making mental notes about the camera settings.

"WIRESS!" Beetee yelped as Wiress pulled down his pants so all of Panem could see his electric-circuit designed boxers with a certain 'pocket' designed like a battery. _This is_ _definitely part of the plan I wasn't aware of!_ He thought frantically.

"I want your love and I want your revenge. You and me could write a bad romance! Whoaaaaaa - caught in a bad romance!" Wiress sang as her fingers caressed then latched onto Beetee's "Battery pack." The song ended just as Beetee fainted from sheer embarrassment. Wiress giggled and twirled around onstage as she quickly surveyed the camera equipment and wiring. As Beetee sat up looking less than amused, Wiress dragged him offstage to examine his "battery pack" in a more private setting.

"Do we _have_ to watch this?" Beetee asked at Plutarch's house a few days later as they rewatched the broadcast.

"Yes!" Wiress insisted glaring at her husband. "We're verifying that we took notes on what we remembered about the wiring -"

"And set up of the cameras, I _know._" Beetee said. "Plutarch, please tell me we don't have to do this again?" Plutarch grinned.

"If you do here are two things: Wiress, you are _not_ allowed to sing Lady Gaga. President Snow prefers Kesha this month. Second thing: No matter how much the action recharges you, do NOT grab Beetee's battery pack on national TV."


	4. Distraction

"What if we can't take the Panem News Network?" Finnick asked. He had gathered Plutarch, Beetee, and Wiress to a little shack on a remote island by District Four on the premise of a fishing trip.

"We can because we have Beetee -" Wiress reassured everyone as she pinched her husband's cheek endearingly.

"Ooow!" Beetee groaned. Finnick chuckled.

"Finnick is right. What if we can't?" Plutarch asked. Wiress huffed indignantly and folded her arms.

"Well I think, _Gamemaker_, that if the smartest inventor from District Three says -" Beetee blushed again at Wiress' scolding.

"Ok. Fine. Let's change the scenario. If the Capitol shuts down Panem News Network, we have to find another way to get our message across. Anyone have any ideas?" Plutarch asked. Wiress looked up at the worn roof of the shack and began humming.

"Let's think about it and go fishing." Plutarch suggested excitedly. "Finnick, pull that canoe around, will ya?"

"YEAH!" Finnick and Beetee cheered. Wiress muttered something sounding suspiciously like '_men'_ but she lathered on sun-screen and set out to the beach. Beetee settled a life-jacket around her before he joined her on the bench. Plutarch and Finnick grabbed the fishing poles and tackle boxes.

"Life-vest, Heavensbee?" Finnick asked.

"Nah. My building has an indoor pool." Finnick nodded and closed the life-vest box that had two extra floating devices. Finnick stripped down to his speedos and stood at the helm of the canoe.

"AND WE'RE OFF TO FISH ON THE WATER! Oh, and darken the tans on our sun-kissed skin!" Everyone chuckled. "Beetee, c'mon, man, shirt off! Plutarch's tanning his love-handles! I bet Wiress would love your tanned scrawny body!"

"Yes, but he'll get burnt -" Wiress began.

"I _would_ like a bit of a tan, hon." Beetee muttered as he unbuttoned his collared shirt. After closing his filled pocket-protector, he put his shirt in a plastic bag. Wiress giggled at him as she adjusted her light green sun-dress. After an hour, the guys had caught several fish.

"Beetee?" Wiress asked as she watched the waters shimmer beneath the canoe.

"Yes, hon?" He asked.

"What if we had a distraction -" She paused as Finnick strippd out of his speedos and relieved himself off the side of the boat.

"Not _that_ sort of distraction, hon." Beetee mumbled turning a bit green.

"I mean - a distraction - with the power -" Wiress smiled.

"I think you're right. Plutarch! Finnick!" Beetee called as the two men in the front of the boat began arguing about who's fish was the biggest. "Pull her back to the cabin! My Wiress has a brilliant idea!"

Two days later, Beetee and Wiress arrived at the Capitol after securing invitations to Fulvia's Avon Party where she would showcase a wig Wiress had made incorporating the use of lighted fiber-optics in the fake hair. "Ooooh! It's so beautiful!" Flavius squealed setting the lighted hair-piece on top of his dyed bright blue hair.

"Yes, the fibers seem to light well -" Wiress began as the multi-colored Capitol people began jumping up and down squealing.

"Well, why keep the party in your apartment, Fulvia?" Effie asked. "I think tonight's a great great great night to head toward the City Center!" Beetee and Wiress winked at each other as the party guests made their way into the center of the Capitol.

"Oooh! Look! It's a re-showing of the 70th Hunger Games!" Octavia screeched pointing at the large screens on the walls of the buildings.

_"Now!_" Wiress hissed before Beetee pushed a button in his pants pocket. The bloodbath by the cornucopia was replaced by Finnick standing on a canoe naked before adding his contribution to the ocean of Panem.

"Oooh! Finnick! He's sooooo fine!" Cinna swooned.

"I didn't realize Cinna -" Wiress whispered to her husband.

"Yes, he swings that way - " Suddenly the lights went off around the City Center plunging people into darkness. Wiress smiled and controlled the computers in the main Capitol power station with a tablet computer that was disguised as a watch on her wrist. "Wiress! Hurry!" Beetee whispered as the crowd began panicking in earnest. Finnick was back a second later laughing and sunning himself on the boat before the regular Panem National News broadcast resumed along with the other lighting around the City Center.

"Oh - well - oh my - I was so so so scared, but if they were trying to show something with Finnick, I suppose that's a good excuse!" Effie gasped flustered. "Oh my - Oh, Fulvia, he looked so - oh - I can't contain myself!" She gasped fanning herself with a bright pink fan.

"Mission accomplished." Beetee whispered in Wiress' ear as they made their way to the train station and back to District Three.

"Well, it worked." Beetee said to Plutarch in the basement of his District Three workroom. Wiress smiled as she showed Plutarch the notebook of code she had written for the mission.

"Yes, it worked, but - ah - Finnick relieving himself is perhaps not the best distraction." Plutarch muttered.


	5. Closets and Pooping Mockingjays

"This will be the best -" Wiress giggled pulling her husband down the hallway of the Panem Department of Communications' headquarters.

"Press conference ever?" Beetee asked. In reply, Wiress squealed and pulled Beetee into a closet. Beetee had a second to glance at the stacks of tablet PC's and video equipment on the shelves before he was pushed against the wall, eager lips meeting his. "Hon - " Beetee breathed a passionate five minutes later. "I - think - I'm getting too old for on the spot -" He gasped as he rested his head against the wall.

"Nonsense." Wiress whispered as she trailed kisses from his nose to his toes. Beetee groaned as Wiress strategically kissed him in certain areas.

"Oooh! WIRESS!" He gasped as he twined his fingers in her hair. "OH MY WIRES -"

"_**AAAAAAH**_!" The couple was blinded by the sudden influx of light from the hallway followed by a blood-curdling scream. "LOCK THE DOOR, TESLAS! _FOR SNOW'S SAKE LOCK IT!_" Plutarch screamed before turning a brilliant shade of green.

"Oh - I guess I didn't -" Wiress muttered staring at the horrified Gamemaker in the doorway.

"No, _hon,_ you _didn't!"_ Beetee grunted as he struggled into his clothing. Wiress followed suit a bit more gracefully before they left the closet.

"Well, we weren't up against any shelves holding electronics, so no harm done." Beetee said cheerfully. Plutarch shook his head resignedly.

"Why must inventing and general nerdiness be a turn-on for you two?" Plutarch grumbled.

"Because Beetee is the hottest nerd in Panem -" Wiress began before wrapping her lips around Beetee's.

"I see. For the LAST TIME, keep it in your rooms, guys." Plutarch muttered. "Tomorrow's TV broadcast _better _make this awkwardness worth it!" He sighed as the Teslas grinned at each other as if to say, _Oh, Plutarch, it will be worth it!_

The next day, President Snow gave his monthly address to the nation from the Panem Department of Communications. "It appears that many districts are unhappy with the Capitol. Suffice it to say that we are very sorry you feel that way. Let me remind you that the Capitol is kind to the districts supplying you with the tools to do your respective trades." He paused. "Uprising of any sort will not be tolerated and will be dealt with quickly." Suddenly his live audience laughed. "May I ask what is so funny?" He asked confused before something the sharpness of a ballpoint pen poked him on the head. "What the districts -" He gasped looking at a thin barely visible wire hanging from the ceiling. Suddenly, he was zapped with an almighty surge of static electricity. "AAAAAAAH!" He screamed putting his hands to his head. "OOH! My poor hair - oh my perm! My hairspray - does it look awful? Get me a mirror! QUICKLY NOW!" He wailed. "Oooh dear -" He gasped as his white curly hair was now an unruly white tangled mess. A twittering bird - a Mockingjay perched on his head, settled itself in Snow's disheveled hair, and disposed of its prior meal on Snow's blazer. "AAAAH! STUPID POOPING MOCKINGJAY!" Snow screamed before running back to the Remake room next to the Press Conference filming room.

"Wow." Plutarch chuckled from the Gamemaker's lounge in the Training Center where he was watching the broadcast with Wiress and Beetee. "You two _definitely _showed Panem a different side of their president. But I have only one suggestion." The nerds glanced at each other before nodding at Plutarch. "No more pooping Mockingjays."


	6. Awkward Butterflies and Flying Wigs

The purple butterfly flitted through the mist and came to rest on a soft blue towel. Flapping its wings, it took off again and flew under a cascade of warm water. It landed on its target and curled its feet on the soft warm pulsing pale flesh underneath it. "AAAAAH!" Beetee screamed feeling six small pinpricks in a very sensitive area. "WIRESS CARPENTER TELSA!" He looked at the purple butterfly on - ah - his body before it flew in front of his face. "WHY ARE YOU TESTING THAT_ IN HERE?"_

"Because they need to work in all different environment -" Wiress' voice emitted from the butterfly before it landed on Beetee's shoulder. "Beetee, dear, you need to clean behind -"

"I cleaned my ears already, dear." Beetee replied with gritted teeth.

"I mean behind your -" The butterfly flew southward before Beetee batted it away with a wet washcloth.

"WIRESS TESLA!" Beetee yelped. "Would you mind your own business?"

"Well, _that_ is mine too -" His wife began.

"TESLAS!" Plutarch's voice emitted from the butterfly before Beetee screamed and blushed a very deep maroon. "Would you _please_ turn off the audio and video stream from your tracker _before_ you use it in your own home? That was more of Beetee than I _ever_ wanted to see!"

"But he is so supple and sexy -" The last thing Wiress heard was Plutarch retching before she turned the audio and video surveillance. Using her tablet PC, she guided her butterfly out of the bathroom by squeezing it through the crack under the bathroom door. Wiress smiled and reviewed the video feed capturing Beetee's shower time.

The next day Team Nerds entered a Capitol party as guests of Effie Trinket. Wiress wore a simple silver dress. The highlight of her outfit was a bouquet of cloth and wire butterflies clinging to her updo. Their wings fluttered seemingly randomly. However, Wiress had programmed each butterfly to flutter a certain frequency. Beetee had reluctantly agreed to wear butterflies clipped to his tie.

As soon as Team Nerds walked through the doorway, they were surrounded by Capitolites enraptured by the butterflies. Opening a black box filled with more wire and metal butterflies, Wiress shlyly explained how they were programmed to flutter their wings and move their feet. She omitted their video and audio surveillance capabilities in her presentation. The partygoers paid the Teslas handsomely for the butterflies clipping them to their clothes and letting them perch in their hair. "This is good for -" Wiress began looking at the bag of coins and slips of paper with people's account numbers scrawled as payment.

"Our gift fund." Beetee finished smiling knowing they were helping Haymitch and the others find sponsorship money for the Quell. "We can buy our friends a lot of nice things now." Wiress nodded and placed her hand in her pocket. Touching a small controller in her pocket, she activated each butterfly to record the conversations and goings-on at the party to pass information to Plutarch.

"Not much is going on." Beetee said an hour later as he and Wiress sat at a small round table eating orange sherbet.

"Plutarch hasn't texted you?" Wiress asked. Beetee shook his head. "Come here -" As Beetee leaned forward, Wiress slurped the extra sherbet off his lips.

"Hon -" Beetee whispered around her lips. "I think Panem Today is photographing this event."

"Mmm - all the better -" Wiress whispered before kissing Beetee full-on. With a satisfied wink, she smiled at the whistling camera crew that wore Panem Today polo shirts. "Bee, how long do we need to stay?"

"Until it's over." Beetee replied before they went to the soup table and returned with a bowl of clam chowder. Wiress nodded and checked the audio and video surveillance feeds on her pocket sized tablet PC.

"They've been talking about the fashion show for -"

"Two hours." Beetee finished. Wiress grinned and slid her thumb around the tablet. "Wire?" Suddenly a shriek filled the air causing everyone to stop in their tracks.

"MY WIG!" Effie Trinket cried as two orange cloth and wire butterflies flew across the room dangling Effie's wig from their metal feet. "NO! BAD BUTTERFLIES! COME BACK! COME BACK!" She attempted to run on her six inch stilleto heels before colliding with the 'drink to eat more' table shattering the glasses on the floor. "BEETEE! WIRESS, HELP! FIX THOSE THINGS, PLEASE!"

"Oh - I guess the feet got caught in -" Wiress deftly untangled the butterfly feet from the large pink curls of Effie's wig that was now on the table.

"Oh - thank you!" Effie squealed. "Thank you - oh my!"

"Those butterflies worked." Plutarch said the next day after he and Team Nerds reviewed the footage from the party. The only significant information gained from the party was that everyone was hoping the Star Crossed Lovers would win again. "There is only one thing." The Teslas looked at each other before Plutarch sighed. "No more making Effie's wig fly."


	7. Keeping Snow awake and indecent hologram

_Thump! Thump! Thump! "OH MY WIRES!" _President Snow sighed and rolled over in his luxurious King size water-bed trying to block out the awkward noises heard through the wall. He had invited Plutarch, Beetee, and Wiress to the Presidential Mansion. They were staying in his private quarters for the honor of it and also so the secret service could keep a closer eye on them. However, he was regretting giving the Teslas the room next to his. _Thump! Thump! Thump! "BEETEE - OOH - MORE -"_

_"_Wire - we need to go to sleep, love." _Thump - _"_Wiress -" _Eventually the loud cries and thumping were replaced by Beetee's loud snores allowing the President and everyone else a few hours of sleep.

The next morning, President Snow smiled at his guests standing around the dining room table awaiting his arrival. Once his Avox pulled out his chair and he sat down, his guests were able to sit as well. As they began their three course breakfast, President Snow began a discussion about the Quarter Quell. "Well, about Miss Everdeen and Mr. Mellark, what do you make of them?"

"Smart." Wiress said smiling. "Smart young ones in love like -" She held Beetee's hand.

"Like we were as young Victors." Beetee finished. "Typical teenagers - well - typical for surviving the Games of course."

"The Capitol is behind them to win. Unfortunately, that doesn't work with my plans."

"Which are?" Beetee asked cautiously.

"For her and Mr. Mellark to be eliminated in the arena."

"Yes, the arena is set to cause them a disadvantage." Plutarch agreed.

"They could appear to still be there with holograms projected -" Wiress began.

"Projected into the arena." Beetee finished before Wiress eagerly pulled her tablet PC out of her purse and activated a projector at the end of the table. A Mockingjay flitted over to a bowl of fruit on the table. It nibbled on an orange before flying toward President Snow.

"MOCKINGJAY! AAAH!" He helped tipping over in his chair and spilling his coffee. "Ah - forgive me - Mrs. Tesla -" He gasped after ordering his Avox to help him sit up. "Very good - very good suggestion. Have you tried rendering a person?"

"Why yes." Wiress said sweetly. To the President's surprise, he watched a hologram version of himself stand on the water pitcher and give a speech before toppling over, drowning and sinking to the bottom. Plutarch gasped and picked up the pitcher sloshing around the water. The hologram President Snow sloshed around with the liquid before a hologram Finnick Odair swam down to pull him up. The President paled as he watched himself give a lap-dance to the hologram Finnick Odair while a hologram Seneca Crane cheered them on.

"Ah - Ok - ah - Mrs. Tesla. Thank you." The President muttered beet red. "Let - Let me think about this for a second." Seconds after bolting from the table, his guests heard, "MY EYES MY EYES AAAAAAAAAAAH! _MENTAL IMAGE!" _

_"Teslas,_" Plutarch sighed thoroughly exasperated with Team Nerds. "First of all, no more demonstrations depicting indecent acts involving President Snow! Second of all, next time we're guests at the Presidental Mansion, for Panem sake, keep it down while people are trying to sleep!"


End file.
